I saw the Heart of God

Sorry I haven't given the people anything from The Rican so here goes something that is so amazing, I am still in awe and inspired by the one who is "Good."

Yesterday I had clinicals for my nursing school. Like every day it started at 4:30am. I do not function nor do I want to function at this ungodly time but it is for the future so I do it with a smile. This day was a special day for me because I got to due a round in Pediatric ICU instead of the normal mondain floors of Pediatrics. This is where the worst of the worst of the worst are with 3-6 tubes coming out of their little bodies. There are machines and medicinal drips and beeps and...it is sensory overload and I loved every minute of it.
I was in "normal" ICU from 6:00am till 11:30am, then I went to lunch. After lunch we then spent the rest of our day, observing only, in Cardiac ICU. I was not looking forward to just observing in Cardiac ICU because I just got finished with half of my day doing in normal ICU. I do understand the ramification being that you mess around in Cardiac and you don't allow rookie Puerto Rican nurses near the Dopamine Drips (used for sedation). So needless to say I started out with a bad attitude. My nurse was cool though. She was a short Phillipino (weird that a phillipino is in nursing...that is sarcastic for those that don't know). She let me know that the patient I was observing was just 8 days old and had a Norwood with a Sano modification because my patient had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. What Hypoplastic Left Hear Syndrome boils down to is that these children are born without a left ventricle and usually there is a hole between the right and left atrium (if you want to see what it looks like go to the link above. It is a cartoon, no blood). This is serious genetic abnormality that unchecked WILL end in death. I started to think about my child on the way and the suffering that must be going through the parents of this little 8 day old baby. I thought about how these parents, after seeing them, do not have a lot of money, can't speak English, and seem to be very alone in this situation. Who wants to be alone in a time like this? The chances of this little child growing up normal are slim. This child will never look nutritionally sound.
Then I saw the Heart of God. As I was contemplating all of this about the baby and its' family, a team from the OR came up to the room where the child was, to close up the sternum from the Norwwod surgery. And as 12 people, in masks and hair nets stood there (I was one of them) the surgical team opened up the chest and I saw the walnut sized heart of an 8 year old baby beating around 160 beats a minute four feet away from me. I stood in awe. All I could keep saying to myself is that this is crazy, this is crazy! Then my heart broke. I realized that this is God's creation beating in front of me. I began to realize the miracle that was taking place. All the times when we praying, "God guide the physicians hands," and what not...there it was in front of me; God guiding their hands. Then when I saw the parents after the surgery, their eyes completely red from crying, the husband holding his wife, I thought...how scared and alone I felt for them. In the corner of my mind Romans 12:15 popped up in my mind over and over again. God was saying, "My heart is for you and them. It is fragile but strong."
Even today as I write this I hear God telling me that my heart is no different than that little 8 day old baby. It is deformed and in need of immediate surgery. His hands are steady and sure. His knowledge of my life is complete and not lacking in order for the surgery.